Summary of previous thoughts and articles ... ..

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Underlying Vulnerability -
A sense of vulnerability is a natural part of the daily life for all living creatures, animals, plants, bacteria, and humans. If we didn't feel it we wouldn't survive for long. Whenever your vulnerable feelings involve deep emotional pain  you can be sure that one of your inner child parts is being reminded of the fear, pain, guilt, shame, loneliness, terror, devastation or despair they felt as a child, hence the term underlying vulnerability. Underlying vulnerability describes the deepest sense we have about this, and in addition our fear of feeling like that again. It is the basic issue out of which adapted behaviour and bonding patterns grow. It is therefore at the heart of the way our inner selves think, act and what they tell us or don't tell us about what is happening in the world around us as they do their best to protect us from it. This is explained on the page Underlying Vulnerability

When selves try to deal with abandonment and engulfment - Why it’s best not to leave it up to the selves to handle these problems in a relationship. Even the best adjusted people have some issues about being too alone too much of the time. (abandonment). They also have discomfort about the opposite situation that is being too close too often (engulfment or enmeshment). It’s normal to experience some of each feeling some of the time, but it is a different matter for people who are deeply troubled by either of these issues. This is one of those times to remember that the selves are just not equipped to solve complex relationship problems and should you leave powerful issues like these in their hands, you do so at your peril. The outcome is usually the opposite of what you wanted anyway as explained in the article ... 
click here  When selves try to deal with abandonment and engulfment

The self-fulfilling prophecy trap It’s the same as if each time we carried an umbrella it actually increased the chance of a storm. If your map of the world around you (your belief system) is based on well balanced, accurate and positive beliefs then your predictions about the future should be fairly accurate. However, if a belief system is based on unbalanced or negative beliefs, the forecasts, predictions and prophecies will also be unbalanced, and inaccurate and this will lead to misinterpretations, misunderstandings and self-fulfilling predictions. Unbalanced core beliefs can be responsible for some awfully bad forecasts about what is going to happen especially if your belief map is upside down. The bad forecast in turn triggers reactions in us that cause others around us to create the very kind of storms we feared most and prophesised would happen. (two case studies)

The adult-child state - Sometimes a person seems unable to make contact with their adult side and in this state of unawareness all their inner selves tend to think, speak and act (at that time) in ways that seem less than grown-up. This is described as an ‘adult-child’ state. Although at other times of the day they may act like normal grown-ups when in the adult-child state they seem adult only in years, grown up yet immature. We all do this sort of thing sometimes, but as The adult-child page  explains  this state can be identified by the regularity of the ‘less than mature’, or ‘less than aware’ behaviour patterns.  An adult child’s deepest fears are about what will happen if other people discover he or she is the ‘person’ (he or she believes) they are. Sadly, neither the fears, nor the belief, are based on reality!

Guidelines for making up after a fight If both partners have the ability to ‘make up’ after a fight, their relationship has one of the essential skills for success.  These guidelines will help when you want to make up in an adult way, rather that leave it to the inner selves. (Revised)

List of typical negative core beliefs  Everyone seems to have different unbalanced or negative beliefs. Most of these beliefs however are connected in a broad way with a sense of lost self worth.  Within these broad belief patterns, however, are hundreds of different, personal variations and it is when you identify yours things start to be come much clearer about many of the major issues in your life. (The List of typical negative core beliefs  page contains over 100 examples) (NEW)

Accessing and Sharing Your Emotions - There are no ‘bad’ emotions but there are many inappropriate ways of expressing them. Inner selves often misinterpret feelings or report them inaccurately.
To function as aware adults, particularly in relationships, we need to be able to be in touch with our real feelings. We also need to be able to share these in 'clean' or authentic ways with other people.
It helps to have a few guidelines for keeping the selves out of the front line when communicating about ‘feelings’. The trouble is that remembering ‘guidelines’ involves logical thought and the thinking mind is the self that breaks our connection with real feelings. The Accessing and Sharing Your Emotions page suggests some "tips and traps" for getting round this problem and communicating our true feelings.

Negative Core Beliefs - and how they control the selves and your life

How and why your inner selves react when a core belief is triggered

voice dialogue helps You balance Your Belief System and regain Control of your life

Helpful notes for couples who want to communicate more openly about relationship problems and what is really happening between them and the quality of the relationship, or lack of it) CLICK ON ...Friendships and Relationships

'Do that again and again' - a childhood message from some kinds of selves

Inner selves, Voice Dialogue and addictive Cycles

What is 'voice dialogue'?

Why the inner selves cannot handle relationship work or partnering

Bonding Patterns - The Rescuer self and the bird with the broken wing

New listings - GROWING AWARENESS  facilitators

The Great Law of energetic balance that rules your life

Three stages of Awareness of the selves with illustrations by Carolyn Scott





Copyright John Nutting 1996 - - 2009  and      GROWING AWARENESS   All rights reserved World Wide

Don't worry about these copyright notices at the foot of each page. It just means I want to hang on to legal ownership of what I write for use in future books.  Until that day, please feel free to copy and even adapt them for your own use and for friends as long as you acknowledge me as the author and owner of the copyright and you don't charge anyone for them. If you want to use them professionally or commercially (charge a fee for them) or for clients, each sheet you hand out must include full acknowledgment of copyright ownership as above and if  you are benefiting as a result, I would appreciate an appropriate sharing.


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